Powerlessness Makes Me Pout

Growing yourself up (becoming an adult and being responsible for ones thoughts, feelings, and behaviors) may cause one to feel…like pouting at times. Anyone and everyone who has ever “been the bigger person” or has “Let go and let God”: Kudos to you. It is not easy to turn the other cheek or to resist engaging in the tornados of day-to-day chaos and drama…especially in relationships.

 

Placing blame on someone or something else allows us to not have to take ownership of our own part. And, let’s be honest, that feels better in the moment. Facing yourself- your character, your motifs, your vulnerabilities – is not something that you are probably inclined to consciously do every moment of every day. In fact, I believe that most of us attempt to stray away from acknowledging their powerlessness over others or the outcome in situations because thinking we are in control makes us feel safe.

What I have learned and seen in others is this: When you can allow yourself to recognize that you are not in control of others and that you have no power over others’ reactions or responses to you, your life will be less anxious.

It is a true challenge to to be the bigger person and to let yourself acknowledge this while others may visibly be in a place of blaming/shaming you. Releasing the need for control is uncomfortable. It can appear to be the “weaker” response, but know that it is not. Know that choosing not to engage in an argument, dramatic exchange, or chaotic cycle of dysfunction (however that may look) is better for you in the long run, and better for your relationships.

I challenge you to stray away from the reactive inclination to engage in the dramatic cycles in your life, and to embrace a life of accountability and promise to yourself that you will be the bigger person – for you, and for your relationships.

Liz Higgins, MS, LMFT Associate

I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Associate in Dallas, Texas. I help millennial couples and individuals cultivate the best relationships and lives possible! I am also a relationship expert blogger and contribute relationship posts to Today.com, The Gottman Institute, Huffington Post, and more. I look forward to an opportunity to work with you on your journey towards growth, healing, and change. I am supervised by Dr. Ken Bateman, LMFT-S, LPC-S.